I promised last time to discuss vital aspects in relationships and to connect the dots in relationships. We will do just that. Let’s begin with “the power to create.” It’s in your hands. But it starts from your mind. Have you ever taken a break from your busy schedule and think about how many people come in contact with you almost on a daily basis? The figures can be astounding, right? Now, how many of these people can you really say you connected with. I mean how many of the people who come in contact with you can say about you that you influenced them, or that you impacted them.
The people who come in contact with us have the chance to influence us just as much as we have the chance to influence them and if each one of us seizes the opportunity to always be a catalyst of change within our sphere of influence, then we ultimately make the world a better place to live in. Anytime we let the opportunity to relate with people pass us by, we invariably create more challenges in our world. True, there are problems in the world and guess who created them, people of course. We can affect our world not only by desiring change but also by being the change in the world.
To be the change which the world earnestly expects, you must have a catalyst mentality- a mindset that seeks to be proactive, thus speeding up processes within a system. Let’s not get too technical here. What are we saying? It means in our day to day lives, we meet with people and have to deal with them. some deal kindly with others, some belligerently- always hostile and aggressive, while some others deal nonchalantly with the people they come in contact with.The reason these people do what they do is rooted in their level of understanding of relationships. It’s easy to conclude that we know all there is to know about relationships, but do we really grasp the nitty-gritty of this wholesome phenomenon called relationships? The truth is that people with knowledge are everywhere but those with understanding are rare. So i implore you, don’t just stop at getting the knowledge,go a step further in your gettings, get understanding.
When a man has better understanding, it reflects not only in what he does, but also in how he does them. Better understanding never fails to command the better than good results. Educationist Diane Ravitch said “The person who knows “how” will always have a job and the person who knows “why” will always be his boss.” (He who has knowledge has the know-how while the one that has understanding knows the “why”) This statement is true and apt, and I am compelled to paraphrase “He who works will always be busy and he who knows why he works will always get ahead.”
People who make things work in their relationships understand something you may know but don’t know how to work out. Here’s what to do, invest your time and resources in getting better understanding because by doing this, you are giving yourself a shot at the better life. A simple illustration to prove this, if a man ought to know about saving in order to invest at a tender age but has not the faintest idea about this and suddenly understands the need to start building up an investment portfolio after retirement, his chances of living comfortably for long is pretty slim. You see, in relationships, the saying “the end justifies the means” is rendered invalid and in its stead, the means justifies the end in relationships.
People who excel in their relationships are folks who invest their time dealing with their knowledgebase and pursing understanding such that when opportunities presented themselves, they maximized their chances.You too can maximize yours.
No one does things the good old way and expects better results. The key is to use initiative. The quality of our lives are no better than the caliber of decisions we make on a daily basis. So the change we desire must start from within. Ask yourself “How can i do things better?” You will find that you’ll have choices to make. Choose to make better choices today and watch as you begin to redefine your experiences on a daily basis.
I recently saw this inspiring write-up on LOVE by acclaimed Relationship Consultant, Lanre Olusola and I knew this would bless someone as much as it has done to me.
If GOD is LOVE then What isn’t Love ?
Do we Really Know what True Love is?
Do we know what is Expected of us when asked to Love God, Ourselves and Our Neighbour?
Do we Truly Understand this Contraption, Concept and Construct Called LOVE?
With ALL the Pain, Fear, Anxiety, Wars, Separations, Divorce, Evils in Society Today are we Sure We Really know what Love is ??
WHAT IS LOVE ?????
Especially in Relationships What is this thing called LOVE?
Have we Ever Experienced or Given it ?
From my research EVERY relationship has a cycle.
In the beginning, two people decide to freely fall into the relationship – A phenomenon we call falling in love.
They then daily anticipate and eagely look forward to each other’s call, text, email, visit etc.
That free fall into the relationship – as a first step wasn’t that hard. In fact, it felt completely natural and spontaneous…hmmmmmm.
You didn’t have to DO anything. That’s why it’s called ‘falling’ in love… Because it was something that just happening TO YOU.
At this stage people say things like, ‘I was swept off my feet.’
Just think about the imagery of that expression.
It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.
This concept of supposedly falling-in love sounds too easy.
It sounds like a very passive and spontaneous experience.
After this cycle having proceeded rapidly to wanting, to touching, feeling and exploring each other.
After a few months for some or years for others; Into the relationship or marriage, the euphoria (excitement) of this love fades.
The scales seem to drop from each party’s eyes, without deeply understanding, knowing, accepting each other’s idiosyncrasies (unconventional behavior/habit).
The next natural cycle of EVERY relationship is pointing fingers, quarrels, fights, complaints, wars, break ups, separations and divorce.
Slowly but surely:
Phone calls become a bother (if they come at all)
Touch is not always welcome (when it happens)
Your spouse’s idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.
The symptoms at this stage vary from relationship to relationship.
However if you take time to reflect and think about your relationship and marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you supposedly fell- in love (fell into the relationship) and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.
At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking;
‘Did I marry the right person?
Did I get into the Right Relationship?
Did I ever love this person?
Did I even REALLY know what Love was? Do I KNOW what Love is ?
And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of this kind of love construct. I.e as you perceived you once had it, you may find that sooner than later you may begin to desire that experience with someone new.
What is this thing????
Is it Really LOVE ???
At this stage many relationships pack up and marriages breakdown.
Is it mainly due to Varied levels of ignorance, immaturity, impatience or selfishness.
Or is it PURE Lack of Knowledge and Insight about LOVE.
What we thought was LOVE may not have been Love Afterall…….
So again….What is LOVE?
What is the Purpose of LOVE?
Many quickly move into the Next Cycle of Hate…..
Spouses begin to blame the other party for their unhappiness and begin to seek justification for looking outside their marriage for Self Preservation.
They attempt to use Extramarital affairs to cover the void they feel. These attempts at Self Preservation Manifest in varied forms.
Infidelity is now Fully Blown.
So Where was the so called LOVE?
Or is it really our LOVE search that lands us Here?
Many others Refocus their energies…..They turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances to FILL their Void and emptiness Trying to DULL their Pain.
Wow could this be the Essence or Result of Love ?
No matter what you Try or do you soon realise that your temporary focus or perceived solution does NOT lie outside your relationship or marriage…. BUT Simply Within You.
You begin to Realise that Starting that cycle of falling-into the relationship a phenomenom we call falling in love with someone else”ONLY gives us “TEMPORARY” Gratification or relief.
But thereafter the other cycles rapidly kick in and then you want out and seek the other next fix.
You’d find your self after many such attempts back in the same situation years later “WORSE OF”.
Is there really a Mr Right or a Mrs Right you keep asking?
IS THE SECRET TO A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP OR MARRIAGE ACTUALLY LEARNING TO LOVE YOURSELF FIRST BEING WHOLE and then LEARN TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND as you COMMIT to GIVING rather than TAKING ???
Being of Service Rather than Demanding ???
LOVE from what we now know is definitely not a passive or spontaneous experience.
It NEVER just happens to you?
You SURELY can’t ‘FALL INTO’ True LOVE.
You ‘CREATE’ and ‘GIVE’ True LOVE day in and day out.
Is this the reason for the expression ‘LABOUR of LOVE’
Do we presuppose that LOVE is Hard work?
Have we been deceived over the years by fiction and fairy tales to believe that love is a that Quizzy Crazy Feeling?
That Chemical or Hormonal Unstable Impulse?
Think Again FOLKS !!!!
Wake up from your Deep Slumber…..
Shine your eyes….
…..It Seems that GENUINE and TRUE LOVE Requires Hard and Intelligent Work…
….It Needs Commitment and Time. Dedicated Effort and Patience to Foster.
LOVE needs Wisdom and Energy to Build it up and GROW…..
LOVE is Life…..
LOVE CONSUMES ALL in its way…..
LOVE NEVER Dies….
Don’t get your knickers in a twist.
Get your head out of the clouds.
This thing called LOVE is Real…..
Although it is Tripartite in Nature….Having Spiritual, Emotional and Physical Expressions it is NOT a mystery.
Just as there are Spiritual, Universal and Physical Laws that Govern the Universe.
There are Specific Keys that you ‘must’ have.
There are Practical Steps you ‘must’ take.
There are Specific Things you ‘must’ not do.
In Conclusion LOVE is more of a ‘Decision’…Than it is a feeling.
‘God determines who walks into your life, you determine who you keep or let go of’
‘Likewise you ultimately determine your life experiences’.
IF God is Love and we are Created in
His Image and after his Likeness.
Then We Need to go Back to Basics in Godliness…
What Image and Likeness of God do We Have, See and Experience Daily ?
What Image and Likeness of Ourselves do We Give People Daily ?
IS LOVE More of a Perpetual Question or Quest for Godliness ?
So If GOD is LOVE….. Can We BE LOVE Also ????
Begin your LOVE Journey by TRULY
Loving YOURSELF TODAY……..Then Tomorrow and then Begin Again. You DESERVE Your own Love at Least……….This is what Gives others the Permission to Love you……
What you don’t Have you Certainly can’t Give….
What you don’t Deserve you Certainly can’t Attract and Receive….
GOD be in my head and in my Understanding
GOD be in my eyes and in my looking
GOD be in my mouth and in my speaking
GOD be on my lips and in my smiling
God be in my nose and in my perceiving
God be in my ears and in my listening
God be in my head and in my thinking
God be in my shoulders and in my bearing
God be in my back and in my supporting
God be in my bones and in my strengthening
God be in my arms and in my lifting
God be in my hands and in my giving
God be in my legs and in my visiting
God be in my guts and in my feeling
God be in my bowels and in my forgiving
God be in my skin and in my sensing
God be in my lungs and in my breathing
God be in my blood and in my living
God be in my heart and in my loving
Just as God is Love so am I ….