In Relationships, It always begins with You- and your choices


In today’s world, relationships are inevitable. It’s a must for you to be in at least one sort of relationship and You have a role to play in that relationship. While there are many who have come to believe that they know all there is to know about relationship, I think you will agree with me that very few know much about relationships judging by the rate of strains and fall outs in relationships around us.

To break out of this spiral and launch into amazing depths in relationships, a simple skill is needed – Relationship management skills. You must be or become a Relationship Manager who has broken free from the assumption of knowing or understanding relationships so well. Instead start with the right assumptions, and everything else that follows will be right.

The two assumptions that guide the greatest Relationship Managers are these:

1.  Each relationship and person I come in contact with is unique and the possibilities are endless depending on my choice of actions or inactions towards them.

2.  Each relationship’s room for growth hinges on what I do with and for the people in the relationship.

These two assumptions are the foundation on which enduring and great relationships are built. Understanding, not pre-conceived notions and smart work, not hard work. Understanding stems from true knowledge and smart work engages focus and gives direction to work. Notion is vague. It is an opinion at best and hard work romances magnitude, smart work commands direction. These two assumptions explain why people in great relationships give of their resource selflessly, why they capitalize on common grounds and build upon it and why they spend good time nourishing their relationships. You too can take a cue from this and give your relationships a boost.

Remember, You and what you choose to do to make your relationships work is what makes the difference. You may judge yourself by what you feel capable of doing, but others judge by what you have already done.

What to do in Relationship Management

For the purpose of clarity, let’s explain what we mean by Relationship Management in simple and clear terms. Relationship Management involves keeping and managing our ships relationally! It’s that simple. Lucy’s ability to communicate her intent and not flagrantly display emotions is Relationship Management, Tom’s ability to rally people around his organization’s common purpose is Relationship management, Harry’s subtle questions on how to make his relationship work is Relationship management, Sally’s ability to identify with and understand other people’s feelings- that is Relationship Management.

 It’s hard to set sail and steer a ship when the crew aren’t all aboard. The primary task of a Relationship Manager is to keep relationships together using a basic tool- communication. But to communicate effectively, communication skills are required, so the Relationship Manager must understand himself. He must identify his strengths and weaknesses and work to play up his strengths. Most times, people who flounder in relationships attribute it to a lack of understanding of the other party. This has been found to be incorrect. Relationship fall outs occur because people have either not identified their strengths and/or weaknesses or they have not capitalized on their strengths to achieve their relationship goals.

Socrates’ wise words- Know thyself is paramount to success in our relationships. What you do not know becomes your master and in this case, who you do not know may become your master! So identify your strengths. Ask yourself “What are the type of things I can do easily most of the time?” Can you smile, Give reassuring words, face an audience confidently or simply a great listener? Ask yourself “What are those things I love doing?” These are things that make you strong, the things you are passionate about. Ask yourself “What skills do I possess?’’ and “How can my knowledge base add value to people and systems around me?”

Answer these questions and you will find increased confidence in yourself, and you will be equipped to harness your strengths and further develop them by doing them consistently and enjoying the satisfaction derived from such activities. Relationship success does not demand perfection from you. It only requires that you firstly be yourself and offer of yourself service beneficial to the growth and development of the relationship. So there you have it, in Relationships- IT BEGINS WITH YOU! Discover the real you and it will redefine your relationships.



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